Dopeydee's Blog

A week or so ago I thought I might rejoin the dating site I used to belong to. I hadn’t been out with anyone since my relationship finished in September, I hadn’t had the inclination to be honest but had been thinking maybe the time was right to test the waters.

It’s quite daunting getting back into the dating game and I think the older you get the harder it is. Anyway I  took a deep breath and signed in. I got a few messages  such as  “hello babe how are you?”   😐   I felt like saying “Babe? BABE? I’m 49 years old ffs and you don’t know me so don’t call me babe.” Then there was “you look lovely” and allsorts of cobblers like that. So in the end I logged off and went to play Scrabble against the computer…..much more fun. I thought I really can’t be doing with all that.

A few days later I thought I’d have another look. Among all the usual b/s I was quite drawn to one profile so started a conversation with the guy. He said about meeting for a coffee but I’ve not heard a thing since.

I’d started chatting to a couple of others as well so logged in tonight. There I got a message from a guy called Neil. Here is how the emails went…

Neil: Hello you look lovely. What do you do for a living?

Me: Thank you. I don’t work unfortunately, how about you?

Neil: I’m sorry to hear that but if we get on you could join me on my travels.

Me: Do you travel much?

Neil: Yes I do and I’d love you to join me. I’ll pay for it all of course. Here’s my number ,shall we start texting then meet up to discuss it?

……..eh? What sort of nutter is he? Or what sort of nutter does he think I am? DD laughed and said go for it you’ve always wanted to travel. Umm that may be so but I don’t think so thank you very much!!

Then there was a message that said “I’m looking for someone to love and to be loved .Is that you? And do you think you’ll be able to handle my high sex-drive?”   Errrrr……no ta.

I’ve sort of arranged a date with someone on Friday(neither of the above!), he wanted to meet tonight after only a few emails being swapped today! I put him off until Friday though and have had a short chat on the phone. He seems really nice so I’ll probably go. But there’s a part of me that thinks can I really be bothered with all this malarkey again? Or shall I just keep playing Scrabble?

Two things on the same topic caught my eye last week. Over-eaters.

The first was a programme about so-called “gainers” . These were women who were deliberately eating as much as possible in order to get as fat as possible. They were 40 stone plus. Their reasons didn’t appear to be a love of food but more for attention. People paid good money to see them stuffing their faces on webcams and showing off their rolls of fat in photo shoots. Nothing wrong with exploiting that I suppose……… to a degree.

When it gets to the stage where you are bedridden because of your size how can you possibly enjoy the money you’ve earned from degrading yourself in that way?

When it gets to the stage where you are so fat your adult son has to wipe your behind after you’ve been to the toilet and wash you every day because you can’t lift your folds of fat how can you possibly have any self-respect?

When it gets to the stage of your organs failing and death  at a young age becoming a certainty how can you possibly think it’s a good idea?

I carry more weight then I should, as do a lot of us but there comes a point when you have to assess what you’re doing to yourself surely?

The second thing was the sad tale of Georgia Davis. This young Welsh girl carries the dubious honour of being “Britain’s Fattest Teen” At 19 years of age and weighing 60 stone emergency services spent 8 hours knocking down walls and building a bridge to get her to hospital as it was reported she could no longer stand up and was suffering respiratory problems among other things.

This poor girl never stood a chance if reports are correct. Her father died when she was 5 and apparently this led to her comfort eating. Her mother fed her a diet of takeaways, fizzy drinks, and processed foods and naturally  her weight ballooned. At the age of 15 when she was first awarded her  title, she weighed in at 33 stone. She was packed off to an American boot camp and managed to lose an incredible 15 stone in just eight months.

Sadly her mother didn’t take the time to learn about nutrition and a healthy diet. You knew there was no hope when on Georgia’s return her mother said she’d had no time to buy healthy food, they’d have to get a chippy for tea! Excuse me? No time? She wasn’t gone for an hour, she was gone for eight months!!!

These past months or even longer, she’s not been seen out, so somebody’s obviously buying her food. The same as with some of the “gainers” from the television programme. Why are these people not held responsible for what will inevitably end in killing the people they say they love?

If Georgia’s mother had been starving her, she would have been taken into care. So why wasn’t she for putting her at risk in such a way? I read she was on the “at risk” register at the age of 13. If that’s the case why didn’t the authorities either put her in care or educate her mother?

I can’t see there being any improvement in Georgia’s condition and it can only end in tragedy unless something is done.

April 27th 2012 …The day I see my beloved Osmonds perform for the last time as a group! It’s rather bittersweet, I’m really looking forward to seeing them again but knowing this is their final tour is sad. They have been a part of my life since I was 9 years old. …I know! 20 years right? Okay double that.

I still remember my first Osmond concert. May 1975, the tickets were my 12th birthday present. I was so excited! I went with my friend Catherine, mum and Aunty Janet. Catherine wore green because Jay was her favourite, I wore purple because Donny was mine. (They all had their own colour) We boarded the train chattering away excitedly. When we got to “that London” we just followed the hordes of girls to find the venue.  The atmosphere was electric.  It was totally amazing! When it finished we boarded our train home, exhausted but still singing.

Now here we are nearly 40 years later, I’ve seen them a few times since and I’m preparing to see them again. The line-up is different, Alan no longer performs due to MS, Wayne has been very poorly but was still hoping to come over for the tour, sadly his doctors have vetoed it. I guess they’ve got older the same as the rest of us, time  doesn’t hold still for anyone and that’s why they won’t be touring here after this final one.

To me though they’ll still be my heart-throb and I’ll still be that excited 12-year-old on the 27th April, I just might limit my screams of adulation to a dull roar this time. 😉

They say you should never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. How true this is but how quick we are to judge and jump to conclusions.

I was watching a programme the other day and they were talking about benefit cheats. They were highlighting a case of a woman claiming disability benefits for a bad back who was caught going on fairground rides. Basically they were saying if her back could hold up to go on rides she shouldn’t be claiming for it.  I don’t know the lady in question so can’t comment on her particular case but I can comment on my own. I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis which prevents me working and I claim disability benefit. ..I might add here I had to fight every step of the way for every penny I get, it wasn’t thrown at me.  Every now and then (about 2-3 monthly), I’ll have a girly night out and this usually involves getting up for a dance. If someone saw me having a laugh and a dance they might say the same…”If she’s well enough to do that she’s well enough to work”, at one time I might have even said the same. But let me tell you what a night out like that will entail. I will have my feet up for most of the day leading up to it. I will take extra anti-inflammatories and extra pain relief. While I’m dancing , and I’m not talking break-dancing here but  a little jig around to five or six 2-3 minute songs over the course of the evening, I will be in pain. When I get home that night I might not even be able to climb my stairs so will have to sleep on the couch. For the next two or three days I will be in a lot of pain and will suffer for it.

You may ask “Why do it then?” The answer is simple……should I just sit and vegetate? Can you begin to imagine how hard it is to someone like myself to sit on the sidelines and watch life go by? I used to be first on the dance floor, last off and so wish I still could be, but I’m happy with a few dances every few months even though I know it comes at a price. Sometimes you just have to say “to hell with the consequences”.

Don’t get me wrong I know there are people who cheat the system. It’s those people who make it difficult for the genuine ones to get the help they need. And they need to be dealt with.  All I’m saying is don’t judge until you know the full story, you have no idea what goes on under the surface.

My daughter received a letter inviting her to host a party. You know the sort of thing…Tupperware, Ann Summers etc. It sounded a good offer, they’d supply the wine, money for nibbles. She’d receive £10 for every new customer.Sounds good, yes? And what is this party for I hear you ask. Well it’s to entice you into getting into debt….yes, that’s right., debt. It’s a loan company doing home parties to encourage people to sign up for loans. The letter asked that she only invited people who didn’t have a loan with them. How irresponsible is that? Enjoy your food and wine, have a laugh and a good evening, then just sign on the dotted line and hey presto! You owe money!!  🙂

January again. Another year gone. Another year of sameness and another year of changes.

Last January I wrote about the changes in my life since the previous year, today I’m doing the same.

I’m still a bit ditsy, still enjoying a drop of vino, still got the aches and pains. James is still living at home, Claire still pops round most days. The ex is still an arsehole, though he’s not bothered me so much lately. I still live in a zoo. Bert is our latest addition, he’s a bearded dragon and quite a funny character.

I went abroad for the first time, which was great. I had a lovely time.

Last January I said how I was 6 months into a relationship and how it was going well and that I’d probably jinxed it by saying that. Well guess what? Yep, it’s over. It was my decision and I don’t regret it. There was something missing and I wasn’t prepared to just settle. I’d had doubts for quite a while before I finished it. Before we went on holiday I thought if I still had doubts on our return I’d have a talk with him. Then events took over and he was rushed to hospital for open heart surgery 2 days after we came home. So obviously that wasn’t the right time!

That paled into insignificance though. The worst time of my life was to follow… my lovely mum was diagnosed with cancer. The hospital weren’t very professional in their handling of it which made coming to terms with the news even harder.

My beautiful mum passed away on September 28th.  She died at home. It was a beautiful sunny day and all 5 of us were at her bedside.

Since then life has been empty, she was so vibrant and  full of life. She was also such a good friend. I miss her dearly.

In a nutshell that was my year. Some things stay the same, others will never be the same again. So goodbye 2011…you were shit!

Hello 2012, what have you got to throw at me this year?

Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing? Thanks to the likes of Friends Reunited and Facebook I’m back in touch with many people from my past, family and friends.

Over the years I’ve tried in vain to track down one of my oldest and dearest friends, Jenny. Imagine my surprise and delight when she made contact through Facebook a couple of weeks ago. It made my day to hear from her and since then we’ve swapped several emails and chatted on the phone. The years have just slipped away and we’re back being silly giggly schoolgirls again. I hate talking to people on the phone unless I know them really well, but when we spoke there were no awkward silences we just gabbled away for well over an hour. I’d forgotten what her voice was like but as soon as she spoke I recognised it and her laugh is exactly the same after more than thirty years.

 Long forgotten memories came flooding back. I didn’t know she was bullied at school and she didn’t know I was. We never talked about it then, nor about how unhappy we were at school or how we couldn’t wait to leave. We laughed about the time we smuggled cider into school and downed it behind the music block….. About our maths teacher who really couldn’t cope with the pressure…. About all manner of silly things.

We found ourselves telling each other our problems and  laughing over how dozy we still are (both going the wrong way round the M25 for example).

We’re now looking forward to meeting up in the flesh and catching up on all the lost years.

Years ago without the aid of the internet once you lost contact with someone it was so much harder to trace people and that’s quite sad really. Sometimes technology isn’t so bad 😉

I’ve been with The Bloke for eight months now and things are really good between us.  He has his faults– for he is a mere male after all, but generally speaking he’s great. We spend every weekend together and meet up once or twice in the week too but now we’ve booked a holiday together for nine whole days! Ooer that’s a lot of time with someone when you’re used to your own space and just seeing them for a couple of days at a time. Will we still be talking to each other when we get back? Will one of us have murdered the other?

Someone asked me the other day if we had any plans to move in together and I replied that I hadn’t given it any thought but after nearly seven years on my own I think I’d find it really hard to adapt. I eat when I want, sleep when I want, do what I want without having to consider anyone else. I think it would be quite hard to move in with someone, especially as both having been married we have our own ideas and ways of doing things.

So much as I’m looking forward to this holiday it’s also going to be a test of whether we can put up with each other for any length of time 😉

I’m peeved. I’m not sure why the following has peeved me so much but it has. Hormones maybe…after all I’m  a woman.  Oops that’s a presumption ..

A) That I’m female    and   

 B) That I’m annoyed because of hormones. 

I am in fact annoyed by the way people assume things and make their minds up on people without knowing them. Just by their name, their look or what they write.

So there I was minding my own business reading someone’s blog. (Well I guess that’s an oxymoron because if I was reading someone’s blog it was THEIR business I was minding not mine!) The said person had written a very tongue-in-cheek post to which I wrote an equally tongue-in-cheek reply. Suddenly I was pounced on by someone who hadn’t realised I was joking and picking up on my blogging name replied with “Oh you can see how you got your name you’re so stupid EVERYTHING  has to be explained to you”.  I was rather taken aback as I’ve never spoken to this woman. I’ve never even seen her name on any other site. It was my first comment on a new blog (not hers) and it seemed such a strong ,venomous reply to a totally innocent comment written in a jokey way. I asked if i’d missed something, being from across the pond and all that. I was met with another scathing comment. So with that I replied “I forgot our British humour doesn’t always translate well across the ocean but I hope you can forgive me as I’ve forgiven your rudeness and presumptiousness about my post and name .” She’s gone very quiet now………..silly tart!

People that know me will realise I use the name Dopeydee in a mocking way as I am in fact highly intelligent and superior. Before anyone comments on my bigheadedness…….yes I am joking! I know how to laugh at myself and am very self- deprecating. It does annoy me when people just assume I’m thick because of it without getting to know me. I guess that’s my fault for using such a name.  I don’t mind when people I know use it in that way and laugh at my moments of doziness, I enjoy the banter and will return it at any opportunity but when a complete stranger does it in such a rude way that’s another matter.

Also on the same subject is when people judge others by the way they look or the clothes they wear without getting to know them. I must admit I’ve been guilty of that myself on occasion.

But why do we do it? Until we get to know someone we should never presume that we know anything about them or their lives.

Yesterday would have been my first-born’s 25th birthday. Sadly she died at 6 days old. This is always a difficult time of year but it’s been brought home to me even more this year by the current Eastender storyline. I’ll be honest I’ve watched very little of it the last couple of weeks partly because it is far too close to home but also because it rests uneasy with me. Before anyone says it, yes I know it’s only a soap but the subject matter is a very harsh reality for many people. Baby’s dying is still a taboo subject. We know it goes on but do we really want it brought into our homes on prime-time tv? I do think the Eastenders team have taken it too far by adding the baby-swap line to it as if a cot death isn’t enough.

Anyway I digress, that isn’t what this post is about. When my little girl ,Louise, died, we had genetic counselling. After a few months we were told there was no reason for her problems it was just “One of those things”.  Those four words have always been deeply hurtful to me. It’s such a throwaway statement. I flicked onto Eastenders for the first time in a couple of weeks the other day only to hear Kat being told the same thing, her baby’s cot death was “one of those things”. I must say I had to switch off quickly.

I’m sorry but to me burning your dinner is “One of those things”. Losing your keys is “One of those things”.

The death of a baby is NOT  and never should be trivialized in such a way with such a glib comment.