Dopeydee's Blog

Not that I’m anywhere near middle-aged of course, but why should only teens have the rights to have the term “angst” apply to them? Though when I was a teen I don’t think I ever suffered from it. I didn’t fret over spots popping up just when they weren’t wanted, as I luckily had good skin and rarely got them. I could eat like a horse and not gain an ounce (*sigh* how I wish for THOSE days!!) I didn’t sit fretting about whether the latest boy to take my eye would call or if he fancied me, I couldn’t be bothered to waste energy worrying about people who weren’t worth it.

Now that I’m 39 recurring *cough cough* it’s a different matter though. After being married for far too many years and starting the dating game again, I seem to suffer from all those insecurities.  “He hasn’t rang/ text…why hasn’t he rang/text?”  “ Ohh dear did I really say that to him?”   “ I shouldn’t of said/done that”   “Omg look at the love handles/muffin top! How can I hide them?”   “ Where’s the good bra that hoists my boobs up from my knees so they look all young and perky again?” Then of course there’s the Bridget Jones dilemma……big knickers to hold everything in or little sexy crack crawlers in case things progress?

The list is endless, maybe I should just curl up in my rocking chair with my knitting and a cup of cocoa?

I’ve never understood how people can get so addicted to online games. Granted when Space Invaders first arrived in our pubs I was hooked, I found it fascinating, plus I couldn’t let my friends names come above mine on the leader board. Apart from that the only ones I tend to play are card games such as Solitaire and Hearts or the odd game of Scrabble and Bejewelled Blitz. But they’re games I can take or leave.

Any of you familiar with Facebook will know they tend to have a lot of games going on. It always bugged me how much room they’d take up in the “news feed”. I wasn’t interested in how many animals you’ve got, what bricks or tools you needed or if your crops lived or died. I couldn’t get the fascination with them or understand why people took them so seriously …….until now.

A week or two ago a friend of mine asked if I’d join one of these stupid games. he assured me I wouldn’t have to do anything, just sign up so he could get extra points each day by “visiting” me. I was reluctant at first but he insisted I wouldn’t need to play along. So I joined. Then I was a bit bored one night so decided to “have a look” and well the rest as they say is history. I am now well and truly hooked, I just hadn’t realised how much until last night when I went to bed. As I was trying to go to sleep I started thinking about how I wanted my “homestead” to look. Then I woke up around 3am to get a drink and went to switch on the pc “just to have a quick go” Luckily I came to my senses…..3am??? Stupid woman.

So Paul if you read this I’d like to thank you from the heart of my bottom and ask you never, ever to ask me to do anything like that again.

For those of you not already hooked, don’t be tempted to see what they’re about. They’re far too time-consuming.

Right now that’s out of my system I’d better go and harvest my wheat.

How come the older I get the longer it takes to recover from a good night out? Granted my RA plays a big part in that….bloody thing!                                                                                                                            

But what a night it was! It was worth the feet swelling up like balloons and being painful for three days after. It was worth the bad back from standing and dancing so long.

On Tuesday I went to see The Osmonds, Bay City Rollers, Leo Sayer and David Essex all one bill. I was in Heaven! I’ve seen the Osmonds many times before and had seen David Essex once but not the others. It was fantastic, there was a real party atmosphere from beginning to end. They may all be oldies but they know how to put on a show. The whole audience were on their feet from the very beginning having a ball.

We were slightly alarmed when at the end of David Essex’s set there was a strong smell of burning and smoke. But I had no intention of leaving until I’d seen The Osmonds, they are my favourites and the ones I’d gone to see most of all and were the only ones who hadn’t yet performed. I said I would stay exactly where I was until I’d seen them even if they emptied the arena! A security guard informed us whatever it was, it was all under control anyway so the show went on. It was about 1.30am before we finally got home and though I was shattered I couldn’t sleep because of the pain I was in.

Will it stop me doing it all over again? Hell no!! I tried to get tickets for last night but they’d sold out. Ah well, there’s always another one on somewhere.

As I get older Fathers Day makes me sadder.

My parents divorced when I was 11.  My dad had never been a “hands-on” dad, we used to have to be quiet once he was home from work and I don’t recall him playing with us but he was my daddy and I always felt of the three of us he was closest to me. When my parents first split, dad saw us once a week for the first month, then it got to fortnightly, monthly and finally once in a blue moon. To be honest it didn’t really bother me then, when we saw him he’d sit watching football or cricket on telly.

I got married soon after I turned 18 and though my dad didn’t offer to pay for anything he wanted to give me away and I wanted that too. It was a lovely day but my dad took the term “give her away” literally. We never heard another word from him after that. I sent him wedding pictures, letters and cards but got nothing in return. We later heard that his new wife had given him a “them or us” ultimatum….if he saw us three kids again she’d leave with their baby son and he’d not see him again. So he made his choice.

Three years later I was at work when I bumped into an old school friend who had married into the family. She asked me if I was going to the family reunion party that had been planned. When I told her I hadn’t been invited she was horrified especially as my gran was one of the main organisers. I’d heard about the party from one of my aunts. We have a very large family and some of the members had been researching the family tree and had planned this big party with people from all over the world flying in. People that had a very tenuous link unlike my siblings and I.  The next day two of my gran’s sisters came in to see me, my friend had reported back and they were equally horrified. They told me in no uncertain terms that we were going, they were inviting us and that was that!  After much soul-searching we decided we would go, we had as much right as anyone to be there. During the time leading up to it I’d still visit my gran as normal and she never mentioned it. I even “popped” in on the morning to see if she’d ask me to go but nothing…and that really hurt.

That night with heavy heart and feeling sick with nerves we went to the party. As we got in the hall we said hello to a couple of people then saw my dad, his wife and son talking to my gran and a couple of other relatives. I braced myself and walked over, as I went to say hello he looked at us, then literally turned his back and five minutes later they left. I was heartbroken.

The next time I saw him was at my gran’s 80th birthday meal. This time she told him straight that she wouldn’t exclude us again and it was up to him if he came or not but we would be there. By this time I had my two kids as well and so we went to the restaurant. No-one knew if he was going to turn up or not, apparently it had caused a lot of arguments with his wife. But when we got there he was there on his own. He came over and all I could say to him was “why?”  he said he had no answer and all he could say was sorry. I really didn’t know what to say to him, there were so many things I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words.  I thought that now the door had been opened we would hear from him again, it was my sister’s birthday a couple of weeks later so it would of been the ideal time for him to send a card or something… but no, we never heard another word.

He died of a massive heart attack 14 months later just past his 49th birthday. I went to his funeral but I had already done my grieving for him and it felt like they were talking about a stranger, which they were I guess.

I thought I was over him, he died 17 years ago, but to me he’d been dead for years before that, but as I get older I miss him and wish so much that I could just have a few hours to talk to him, tell him about my life, ask about his, see if he felt any remorse at all and tell him that despite everything I still love him.

I’m not kidding myself, he’d probably of not been any better a grandfather then he was a father, but I feel we missed out on so much.

So I hope you all treasure your dads and I hope all you dads treasure your kids.

I read the other day that Cher’s daughter is now legally a man. After undergoing a sex-change operation s/he has now been to court to be officially recognised as a man.

It got me wondering how I’d feel as a parent if one of mine changed sex?  While I have no problems with their sexuality and I think after the initial shock if they wanted to change sex I’d fully support them, there must surely be some sort of grieving process for the child you’ve lost?

I know you still have that child but you’d no longer have the son/daughter you gave birth to and their lives will be different to the one you envisioned for them.  It must take time to come to terms with.

Ultimately my kids happiness is paramount and I’d support them no matter what. It is after all their life. I feel really sad when you hear of people that can’t/won’t accept their offspring’s life choice, they cause so much unhappiness not only for their kids but themselves.

Good luck to Chaz Bono for the future.

Well it’s that time of year, Big Brother and Wimbledon, but this year there’s the added bonus of the World Cup too. Oh I’m in Heaven! I’ll see you all in the Autumn.

Every year I say I’m not going to watch Big Brother. After all why would I choose to watch a bunch of backstabbing, bitchy wannabe’s?  Then I watch the first one “Just to see what no-hopers are in this year”.  The following night I watch “Just to see how they’re getting on with each other”. And so it goes on. I usually have a lull in the middle where I don’t bother but then I get into it again for the last few weeks.

Wimbledon is a must for me every year and has been for as long as I can remember. I first started watching when the big personalities played, such as Nastase, Connors, LeConte and of course MacEnroe. Although I still love Wimbledon I do think it lacks character these days but that won’t stop me tuning in.

This year of course is the World Cup. Normally I only watch the England matches in the early stages and once we get knocked out that’s my lot. If we get to the quarter’s or semi’s I usually tune into all those matches too. However this year I think I’ve seen just about every one so far. This might have a lot to do with the fact I’ve not been well, but I’m thoroughly enjoying it.

I have a slight problem though. I went to get up to make a cuppa a short time ago and found I couldn’t get up from my seat. When I looked down I noticed I had strange growth things had formed between my behind and my chair…..yes that’s right…I’ve actually grown roots! :O Oops what’s a girl to do?

I know…….pour another drink and see what match is on next

Yes I know I’ve only been back two weeks but since then it’s been a horrible couple of weeks.

First I had to get treatment for the bad sunburn I suffered (I know, it’s my own fault) That’s all healed now thankfully. The Tuesday I came home I finally got my heating mended. I’ve been having an ongoing problem with them since they were fitted in January. Fitters blamed the makers, makers blamed fitters and so it went on. I’m glad they’re done but it was such a hassle on the day and in the end it took literally two minutes to mend,. I’m not convinced as the guy said it was because the heating was set too high, as they were set like that in the middle of all the snow we had surely that’s the idea of them? But he insisted they will be ok when next needed on a high setting so we will see.

That day I came down with a sore throat ,cough and cold. I still have it now and also managed to get an ear infection on the way to go with it. It’s very rare I get coughs and colds I think because of the painkillers and anti-inflammatories I’m on they help keep them at bay. However when I do get them I get them bad. I’ve been getting very light-headed and just feel generally crap (are you playing your violins yet?)

On Wednesday I had a visit from the council. I dared to claim that my son was born in 1990, silly me they had his birth year down as 1996 so I must be wrong and they needed proof. When my 6′ tall bearded lump of a 20-year-old answered the door I think the guy was convinced but I still had to show him his birth certificate…..eejits! If I was trying to con them I’d say he was a dependant at school and not a non -dependant working wouldn’t I? Common sense surely??

The following day I had to take said son to court, as a witness I hasten to add. That was an experience in itself and showed some shocking flaws I thought. I’ll blog on that another day.

I’ve also had problems receiving money I’m owed from the mortgage company, they were very quick to take it off me not so quick to return it though.

So I have spent two weeks pandering to idiots and feeling ill and sorry for myself. To cap it all off I have no stocks of wine or chocolate in the house!!!!

I think I’m going to cry………

Some of you may know I was dreading coming home after my holiday to see what sort of state my house was in after leaving my son home alone.

Well what can I say? It was spotless!!  Dishes done, rubbish out, tidied, hoovered, he’d even done some washing!  It was a lovely pleasant surprise as on previous occasions I’ve asked/begged/threatened and still come home to a mess.

After the initial shock/disbelief/delight wore off I thought “aha what’s he done/after?”  I know, I know…there’s no pleasing some people is there? I should just be thankful, but I know my son. Still nothing was said so I relaxed…..

…and then it came.

“Mum my wages were short this month can I borrow some dosh please?” —-Ha! There it is, he wants money. Mind you he’d of probably asked to borrow some anyway so I got a clean tidy house out of it. Now what else needs doing before I get the money out?

On Saturday I go away for a week. I’m really looking forward to it as I’m very much in need of a break. However this time next week I’ll be starting to get that familiar feeling of dread. Why? you may well ask. If I tell you I’m leaving my 20-year-old son at home you might begin to understand. If I tell you he has booked the week off work you will understand even more. If I then add his mate is coming to stay with him for most of the week I’m  sure I’ll have your full sympathy. I could also add the fact that a few weeks ago after he’d been out drinking he told me how the first time I left him home alone he had about 15 people staying over after his band had played a gig at a beer festival, he told me at the time that three had stayed. He assured me just as I was about to explode that “it was ok though mum, I knew them all” —ah good that makes it all ok.

I know he’ll remember to feed the animals (though I might have to remind him about the fish) He’ll probably put the rubbish out (If I ring him 2 or 3 times that morning) But even though I’ll nag him to tidy up, hoover and wash up before I get home, his ideas about cleanliness and tidiness are quite different to mine.

His mate saying to me “It’s ok mum (I’ m”mum” to all his mates) I’ll make sure he doesn’t burn the house down and he showers before we go out”   doesn’t exactly inspire me with confidence….it’s a bit like the blind leading the blind there.

So by this time next week I’ll be wondering what I’m going to come home too. ….Happy holidays!!

Yesterday would of been my 29th wedding anniversary (yes I was a child bride of 10 before any comments are made)  My ex and I split 6 years ago and in all the time we were married he always needed a prompt to remember our anniversary, in fact sometimes it was a sledgehammer to the head as a reminder. He knew it was around the middle of May and had a vague idea but if you asked him outright he’d have to look at me to tell him. As for how many years we’d been married ,well you could forget that……. as he did.

So I was surprised on saturday when he came to see the kids and the first thing he said to me was “would of been 29 years tomorrow then”   When I asked how he knew that after never knowing when we were married he just grinned and said “things change”.

He then went out with our daughter. She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth, instead she had a great big wooden one protruding from her gob and she takes great delight in stirring with  it especially with her dad. She started off with the same thing he falls for every time… “Hows the dog?”  That’s usually answered with a she’s fine. She then asks “and what about Tess?”   (Tess is his canine dogs name, the dog is his wife ) She catches him with it every time and it makes her day when he walks right into it.  Anyway they were in the town when apparently he said   ”Should I get your mum some flowers for our anniversary?” Eh???? If I wanted flowers when I was married to him I had to buy them myself.  So my delightful daughter said “no, just propose to her!”  ( I must remember to thank her for that.)  Instead of him saying that he was married or snorting with derision as I would of he said “she doesn’t love me anymore”.  When they came back he was telling me yet again how fed up he was at home blah blah blah, so it doesn’t take a genius to work out all in the garden is not rosy.

So my question is….. am I wrong to feel ever so slightly smug?

The answer of course is yes, but do I care?

……..Hell no!!!